Memoirs of a Dragon Hunter Read online

  “Yes, sex. You know.” He gave her a look that simultaneously warned her and pleaded with her. “The sex we have every day at this time.”

  “We do not have sex—” she started to object, but he cut her off by pulling her tight to his chest, so her face was buried in his shoulder.

  “—in front of others, no, of course we do not. The demon is taking herself off right now so we can have our afternoon sex time.”

  “I can wait,” Falafel said, moving past him into the room. “It can’t take that long.”

  Veronica, who had been struggling against him, mumbling something that he didn’t understand, dug her heel onto his foot, causing him to loosen his hold a little.

  “Can’t…breathe…” she gasped, sucking in vast quantities of air.

  “Ha ha, you take my breath away, too,” he said, sending a worried look at the wrath demon. Clearly, a term of endearment was needed to sell the idea. He wracked his brain for one, but drew a blank until he remembered the movie Sasha had watched a few days before. “Er…hot lips.”

  “Hot lips!” The words came out strangled. Veronica’s eyes were positively blazing when she glared up at him.

  He bent down and whispered furiously, “Play along with me, and I’ll do whatever you want.”

  She had been about to say something that was no doubt quite cutting, but at his words, she stopped and gave him a long, curious look. “Anything?” she whispered back.

  “Within reason.” He glanced over at the wrath demon, but she was baring her teeth at the cats who had come over to see her.

  “Deal.” She wriggled her way out of his hold and said loudly, “Sorry about that show of public affection. I’m just so happy to see you…uh…hugsy wugsy cuddle-boo.”

  The wrath demon turned her glare on Veronica. “Your attempt to make me puke has failed. Nonetheless, such acts of subordination are not to be tolerated. Dragon hunter, send your woman away. We have work to do.”

  To his amazement, Veronica threw herself full force into her pretend role. He had a few uncomfortable moments wondering what it was she’d demand from him as a price, but decided unless it involved the murder or torture of innocents, he’d have to do as she wished.

  “Now, you just listen here,” Veronica said, rounding on the demon. Her hands were on her hips, and her chin jutted out as if she was looking for a fight. He glanced quickly at her waist, but didn’t see her élan vital. Unobtrusively, he slid his hand down, reassured by the weight of the sword at his side. He had absolutely no doubts as to what lengths Falafel would go. “I don’t know who you are—”

  “My name is Falafel! Bow before me, mortal being!” the demon demanded with an arrogance that would have taken away Ian’s breath if he hadn’t been so well acquainted with demon folk.

  Veronica blinked twice. Ian kept his hand on his sword, ready to protect her should the demon strike. “Falafel? Did you say— No, you couldn’t have. I must have heard wrong. Who names their kid Falafel?”

  “What is the problem with my name?” Falafel slapped her hands on her legs, clearly irritated. “I see nothing funny about it! It is an old and much feared name! You will give me the respect we deserve!”

  “It’s also a delicious meal, but that doesn’t give you the right to tell Mr. Snuggy Bumps and me when we get to have sexy times. And that’s right now, so please leave.”

  The demon sucked in approximately half the volume of air in the apartment. “You dare to speak to me with such insolence? Pathetic mortal! If my time were not taken up with much more valuable tasks, I would lesson you as to the proper way to speak to me!”

  “Eh,” Veronica said, brushing a nonexistent speck off her shoulder. “Do us all a favor and get over yourself. Oh, and leave. Ian and I wish to be alone.”

  Falafel turned her furious gaze to him. “Have you nothing to say?”

  “On the contrary, I have quite a few things to say.” He pulled the sword from its sheath and carefully ran a finger down the blade, feeling the runes come to life under his fingertip. The gesture was not wasted on the wrath demon. She did not back away in fear as a lesser demon might have done, but the look she gave to the élan vital was definitely wary. “But as none of them concern you, your presence is not wanted or needed. I don’t care if you return to Anzo or not, but you will not remain here.”

  She watched with eyes that spat black sparks as he strolled to the door, still holding the sword, and opened it. “You do not have the power to make me leave.”

  “Perhaps not, but my woman certainly does.” He arranged his expression into one of bland disinterest. “Or have you been trapped so long in Abaddon that you have lost the ability to notice the scent of the Court of Divine Blood?”

  Falafel lifted her head and sniffed the air. Had Ian believed in any benevolent gods, he would have prayed then that enough of Sasha’s scent remained for the wrath demon to catch, and hopefully, misinterpret as originating in Ronnie. “I don’t smell anyth— Oh.”

  Veronica looked puzzled for a moment, but at a signal from him—unseen by the demon, who was subjecting her to a thorough visual inspection—she sat on the couch, crossing her legs and saying, “That’s me, all right. I’m always over at the Court of Benign Blood.”

  “Divine Blood,” Ian correct.

  “We at the Court call it Benign,” Veronica said with an airy wave of her hand. “It’s an in-joke. We love those sorts of things in between cases.”

  Ian looked worriedly at the demon, but if she was confused by Veronica, she didn’t show it. She took a step closer and sniffed again. A look of annoyance crossed her face. She hesitated, as if she was going to argue further, but in the end, made a guttural noise in her throat, did an about-face, and marched to the door.

  “You have not seen the last of me,” she said in a tone that implied she was spitting on him, adding, “I will remember your actions today.”

  “As I will remember yours,” he warned, making sure to lock the door after she left. He turned around to face his guest, feeling as if a huge weight that had been crushing his chest had been suddenly rolled off of him, allowing him to draw a proper breath once again.

  Veronica was watching him, her arms crossed, her expression most decidedly jaded. “Who was that? Another girlfriend? Because I don’t like being your excuse to dump someone. If you don’t have the balls to tell her to her face—”

  “That was a demon.”

  Veronica’s eyes widened. “That was a demon? Like those guys who attacked you earlier?”

  “Not quite. This one is a wrath demon. A particularly nasty one, as a matter of fact. She has little regard for anyone but herself, and thinks nothing of murdering to get what she wants. Are you saying you didn’t know she was a demon?” He frowned, wondering if she was feigning ignorance, or if she truly was clueless.

  “Of course I didn’t know she’s a demon! A murderous demon! It’s not like she had it stamped on her forehead.” Veronica gave him a look that clearly said he was the one lacking. “Why aren’t you calling the police to have her arrested? Wait, are there demons everywhere? Should I get some…I don’t know…demon-away? Holy water? Crucifixes?”

  He sighed and, taking her arm, steered her past the various animal cages, homes, and crates, until he reached the couch. “Sit down. I think we’d better have a talk. Something isn’t right.”

  “You can stop touching me, for one,” she said, pulling her arm from his grip and rubbing it as if he’d hurt her. “I don’t like it at all.”

  “You most certainly could have fooled me with the way your tongue was all over mine a few minutes ago,” he said drily, and moved a large tuxedo cat that had settled into the spot where Veronica had been sitting earlier.

  “I was not all over your tongue,” she objected, sitting nonetheless. “I was shocked and stunned into…into…well, tongue flailing, I guess you could call it.”

  “And the fact that you dug your fingers into my shoulders and moaned?”

  She lifted her chin and l
ooked down her nose at him with obvious scorn, not an easy feat considering he was still standing. For some bizarre reason, he thoroughly enjoyed the haughty way she attempted to treat him. He’d always had a weakness for women who resisted being cowed. “I was trying to stop the horrible and repulsive assault upon my person, obviously.”

  He lifted an eyebrow, absently stroking the cat in his arms, who was purring loudly and making biscuits on his forearm.

  “Fine,” she said, almost spitting out the word. “It wasn’t horrible or repulsive, but that doesn’t mean you have the right to grab me and slap your lips all over mine.”

  “No, I do not have that right,” he agreed, clearly taking her by surprise. “And I apologize for that. I do not normally kiss women unless they have given me an indication they are willing to receive such attentions.”

  “Apology accepted. Is it against the dragon hunter rules to ask why a demon was offering to help you?”

  He felt himself give in to a sigh. “It isn’t against any rules, although most dragon hunters prefer to work on their own. It is certainly my policy to do so.”

  “And yet you’ve got Sasha with you,” she pointed out, her head tipped to the side.

  A wry expression slipped past his control for a few seconds. “That is entirely a different matter, I assure you.”

  “Really? How so?”

  “That you will have to hear from Sasha,” he said, unwilling to reveal information about his charge until he knew more about the woman before him. Dragon hunters had been corrupted before, and probably would be again. “In answer to your original question, the demon Falafel said she was sent to aid me in finding someone.”

  “You too? I’ve got a similar mission from my sister.” Veronica sighed.

  He was unable to contain his curiosity any longer. “Why can’t you recognize a demon when you see one?”

  She shrugged one shoulder. “Am I supposed to? If so, that’ll be one more thing to add to the list.”

  “What list?”

  “The list of things I want you to teach me. You said you’d do anything I asked, right? Well, I want you to teach me how to be a dragon hunter. How to fight like you did. And evidently, how to recognize demons. Do you normally have demons in your apartment? And why do you have so many animals? Did you used to run a pet shop, or are you simply an animal hoarder in the making?”

  “They’re Sasha’s. I have no time for animals,” he said sternly.

  “Uh-huh. What’s that, then, a meat loaf?” Veronica nodded toward his chest.

  Ian was startled to find that somehow, without being aware, he’d set down the cat and picked up a guinea pig and was now stroking it to the point where it was on its back, its four little feet waving in the air, making moans of pure guinea pig bliss. Hurriedly, he set the beast down and, just as swiftly, changed the subject. “What do you mean you want to know how to fight? How in the blazes of Abaddon have you lived if you don’t know how to use your élan vital?”

  She pursed her lips, instantly drawing his attention to her mouth, and lips that he now realized were like ripe berries just waiting for him to taste their sweetness…He shook away such ridiculous thoughts, a bit astonished at them. He was not a fanciful man, nor particularly romantic. Lips, he told himself firmly, were just lips. There was nothing berry-like about them.

  “Does that really matter? Helen said I should ask a dragon hunter if I needed help, and I do, so I’m asking nicely for it. If you are one of the good guys, aren’t you obligated to help me?”

  “No,” he said simply, dragging his gaze from her fascinating mouth.

  “No, you’re not one of the good guys, or no, you aren’t obligated to help?”

  “Both. Neither. Possibly one of the two.” Her eyes were outstanding, true gray, but with flecks of silver and black within. He shook his head again, wondering what was wrong with him that he was allowing an attractive woman to so disorder his thoughts. “I will help you because that was our bargain, but only so long as you continue the pretense of a relationship.”

  She pulled back a little, suspicion evident in her body language. “This wouldn’t be some weird-ass way to get me to kiss you, would it? Because I’m so not into that.”

  “You don’t like to be touched, I know. I heard you the first time.”

  “No, it’s not that.” Her cheeks pinkened a little, a fact that secretly amazed and delighted him. How long had it been since he’d made a woman blush? She made an abrupt, undefined gesture. “I mean, as kisses go, that kiss was okay. You didn’t make me want to barf or anything.”

  “We shall be grateful for small blessings,” he said gravely, amused despite himself.

  “It’s just…normally I don’t like to be touched unless I know someone well. That goes for kissing, too. In addition to that, it strikes me that this whole plan is an awfully convenient way for you to touch me and kiss me and pretend I’m your girlfriend without going to the actual trouble of, you know, maintaining a relationship.”

  He set the guinea pig down in its habitat, moved a second cat to the tall cat tree that lurked in the corner, avoided stepping on a gerbil that was rolling around in a plastic habitat ball, and decanted a bowl containing a fish from a chair in order to sit. “Are you saying you want a relationship with me?”

  That would not be a good idea. Not good at all. He was the last person who should ever consider having a relationship with anyone, let alone someone who didn’t know how to combat demonic forces. So why was he so intrigued with the thought of forming an attachment to her?

  “No, of course not!” She looked vaguely scandalized.

  “Why not?” Against his better judgment, his mouth formed sentences that he knew he was going to regret. “Do you not like men in that manner? Or is it something about me, personally, that repulses you?”

  “I’m not repulsed by you at all,” she said, her brows drawing together. “In fact, you’re…well…kind of cute. Attractive, even.”

  “Then why wouldn’t you consider a relationship with me?” He knew he should stop talking, but that strange quirky side of his nature refused to be quieted this once. “Are you asexual? I don’t wish to make you uncomfortable if you are.”

  “I appreciate that, and no, I’m not asexual or uncomfortable. And I didn’t say I wouldn’t consider a relationship with you, it’s just that I’m not looking for one—wait, does this mean this is some weird ploy to get me into bed? Because if it is—”

  “Who mentioned sex?” he asked, caught up in the conversation despite the sane part of his mind demanding that he escort her out of the apartment.

  “You did. Several times. To your other girlfriend. Not that I’m a real one, but still, even a pretend girlfriend knows when sex is mentioned.” Humor danced in her eyes.

  “Ah. You have me there.” He cleared his throat and wondered when the last time was he’d enjoyed chatting so much with a woman. “I feel obligated to stress that the wrath demon is not my girlfriend.”

  Veronica glanced around the room. Although he’d told Sasha numerous times to keep her things confined to her room, the living room was strewn with various pieces of feminine apparel, magazines, electronics, miscellaneous things that she was always picking up, and assorted unguents that did things beyond his range of experience. “What about your other girlfriend? The jailbait one?”

  “Sasha is hardly that,” he said, amused. “She’s older than I am.”

  “You’re kidding!” Veronica stared at him in disbelief. “She doesn’t look more than eighteen, if that.”

  “And yet, she was born sometime in the reign of Charlemagne, if I am remembering correctly.”

  “Is she…” Veronica glanced around, and scooted a little closer to his chair, her voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. “Is she a demon, too?”

  He considered the woman in front of him for a few seconds. What a puzzle she was. Enticing and yet not interested in him in a physical way. A dragon hunter, and yet apparently unskilled to the point of bei
ng a danger to herself and others. And quick-witted, yet unknowledgeable about the most basic things a dragon hunter must know. He was beginning to realize that what he first thought was an act was nothing more than genuine innocence.

  She had no idea of the world around her, and that thought frightened him greatly. “You truly don’t know what the Court of Divine Blood is, do you?”

  “Nope.” She sat back, both hands around one knee. “But you’re going to tell me, right? As part of my dragon superhero training?”

  “I suppose. The Court is what the mortals think of as heaven, although it is not filled with fluffy clouds and angels playing harps. It usually takes the form of a city, and is filled with endless officials who—”

  Veronica, glancing over his shoulder to the window, squawked, froze for a second, then suddenly lunged at him, throwing herself into his lap and grabbing his hair with both hands. Before he could ask her what she was doing, her lips were on his, pressing fleeting (and highly erotic) kisses along his mouth.

  “She’s there,” she whispered in between kisses.

  “Who’s where?” he asked, his mind muddled by the sudden wave of lust that threatened to release his dragon fire. He cupped her hips, shifting her slightly so she was no longer crushing his penis, and reveled in the heat of her body pressed against him.

  “That demon lady. She’s at the window, on the fire escape. She looked annoyed to see me sitting by myself.”

  He slid her off his lap and rose. “I would like to pick you up. Do I have your permission to touch you?”

  “Yes, and you know, you don’t have to ask me like I’m some sort of germaphobe. I just don’t like people I don’t know touching me, but since I just threw myself into your lap and kissed the life out of you, I think we can assume I know you.”

  He scooped her up in his arms in as dramatic a gesture as he could manage, then picked his way through the animals to the bedroom. He was more than a little amused that she thought her fleeting kisses qualified as kissing the life out of him, but his voice was neutral as he said, “Falafel can’t see into my bedroom, so if you don’t object, I will take you in there and leave her with the impression we are carnally engaged.”