The Perils of Effrijim Read online

  Fiona tsked and bustled around the room, chattering about children before pausing next to a large double-glazed window. “You asked about the Green Lady, Mrs. St. John. It is indeed here she makes her appearance...but not in the room, you understand. It’s there, just outside the window, that her tortured face can be seen, as if judging those within the room.”

  “Oooh! Bob, a tortured ghost!”

  Raphael gave me a long-suffering look.

  “Do you not believe in ghosts, then, Mr. St. John?” Fiona asked, her voice kind as she patted him on the arm. “Don’t be ashamed if you’re not a believer. It's the way with many men, I know.”

  Raphael had difficulty in keeping his expression pleasant. Despite our experiences to the contrary, he clung desperately to the belief that the world had gone temporarily insane, and any minute now life as he previously knew it would regain the upper hand, allowing him to forget that things like ghosties and ghoulies really existed.

  “My husband a bit of a skeptic,” I said, taking pity on him. “But I’m dying to know about this tortured ghost. What happened to her? Was she married? Is she one of those bride ghosts who appear to newly-married women? I wonder if she’ll show up for me, even though Raphael and I have been together for three years.”

  “About that, I cannot say. But this I can tell you—for a time, Lily and Sir Alec were happy, but she gave him a daughter rather than a son, and it wasn’t long before he was casting his eye elsewhere.”

  “The dog!” I said, sitting on the edge of the bed as Raphael gave me another long-suffering look. He took out his shaving bag and disappeared into the bathroom. “What happened to her?”

  “Well, it wasn’t long after the birth of her daughter that Lily mysteriously disappeared. Sir Alec gave out that she’d gone to the seaside to recover, but no one believed such a tale. They heard the cries in the night, you see. They heard her sobbing and begging for help, and they knew what had happened.”

  “Walled up alive?” I asked, a prickle of goose bumps making me rub my arms.

  “Like as not. He’d shut her up in the upper room of the black tower—it’s gone now, but it stood in the northwest corner of the castle. No one was allowed near it, and Sir Alec claimed Lady Lily took the keys in with her, and sealed the only entrance. For two weeks the servants in the castle heard her cries and pleas. For two weeks, she lived, but at last the devil had his way, and she fell silent.”

  “Oh my god! How horrible! He really was a nasty customer. What an evil thing to do to someone.”

  “It was indeed. Sometime during the night after she died, he spirited her body away, announcing a fortnight later that she’d drowned herself in the sea. And what did he do then but wed Grizel Adams, a widow from the village he’d been consorting with.”

  “Callous, murdering bastard,” I muttered.

  “That he was. On their wedding night, Sir Alec and his new bride lay together in Lily’s bed. But they didn’t get any sleep.”

  “Randy little bugger, was he?”

  Fiona shook her head. “No, It wasn’t the wedding night activities which kept them up—all night the two of them heard horrible scratching sounds, but though Sir Alec had all the lamps lit, nothing could be seen in the room. In the morning though...” She smiled.

  “What?” I asked, thoroughly engrossed in the story.

  “Do you see that window?” she asked, nodding toward it.

  “Yeah.” I got up and walked over to it. “Lily appeared outside it? She was scratching on the glass?”

  “No. Open it up and tell me what you see.”

  Another little shiver of goose bumps rippled down my flesh as I opened the window and looked down. We were on the third floor of the castle, smack dab in the middle of the wall. “Well, it’s a nasty drop. I can’t imagine there’s any way someone could get up here—there’s no ledge, and the closest pipe is about fifteen feet away. Is that what you wanted me to see?”

  “Look at the casement.”

  I squinted at the cream-colored stone. Someone had carved something just beyond the glass. It was upside down and somewhat blurred with age, but the words “Lily Summerton” were chipped neatly into the casement. “Oh wow. She carved her name?”

  “That she did. And if you can tell me how anyone could do that in this spot, well, I’d certainly like to know.”

  I looked around the outer edge of the castle wall. Without some sort of a ladder or scaffolding, such a thing would be impossible.

  “Very creepy.”

  “The Green Lady had her revenge, some said,” Fiona continued, a prim set to her mouth. “For it was not but a month after Sir Alec married the widow Grizel that they both died when their carriage overturned. Snapped their necks, they did.”

  “How tragic. Makes you wonder, though, doesn’t it?”

  “Are you done with your ghost talk?” Raphael asked as he reentered the room.

  “Yeah, but you should have stayed to hear it. It’s really interesting,” I said, giving the carved name one last look before closing the window.

  “I’m sure I’ll survive. Is it possible to have breakfast in our rooms rather than the restaurant?” he asked Fiona.

  “Yes, but your food will bound to be cold by the time it’s brought all the way up here,” she answered.

  He grinned and took the room key from her, herding her toward the door. “We’ll survive.”

  Fiona melted before his grin, and although clearly desirous of telling us more about the castle’s history, confined herself to wishing us a pleasant evening. In less time than it took to say the word “honeymoon,” Raphael dashed across the room, stripped off his clothes, and pounced on me...

  “At last, we are alone,” he said with an atrocious French accent.

  I blinked up at him a couple of times.

  He kissed the tip of my nose, and cocked one eyebrow. “The accent too much for you sweetheart? You look somewhat stunned.”

  “Yes, it was awful, and besides, I think your English accent is the sexiest thing on earth. But it’s not that...” Loath as I was to pry myself from his arms, I did just that to sit up and look from him to the entrance to the suite. “How did you do that?”

  “Do what?” he asked, pulling me back so he could nibble on my neck.

  I shivered at the touch, thought about dismissing my confusion, but decided there were more pressing issues. “Bob, you know just how much I’ve been looking forward to this honeymoon—”

  “Oh, yes. I believe the fact that you almost ravished me on the train coming up here brought that to my attention. And you will notice that whereas I objected to our enacting upon our wedding night in the coach of the Edinburgh Express, I am now agreeable to the whole idea, and you may commence with your planned ravishing of my manly self.”

  “Mmm hmm,” I said, squinting at the door to the suite as I judged its distance.

  Raphael’s face suddenly filled my vision. His lovely amber eyes were narrowed with suspicion. “You are not ravishing me. You’ve talked of nothing for the last four hours. Why are you not ravishing me? Is it Zoe? Are you still worried—”

  “No, it’s not the baby. It’s...well...how did you run from the door to the suite all the way in the other room, to here, without me seeing you move? Not to mention taking off your clothes while you were doing it.”

  Raphael turned to consider the door at which I was pointing. “What are you talking about?”

  “I didn’t see you move. One minute you were there, smiling your very best smile for Fiona and making her go all swoony, and the next minute you were naked and pouncing on me. I didn’t see you move in between the two actions.”

  “You were just too busy ogling my chest and imagining the many and varied things you’d like to do to me. With whipped cream.”

  “Do we have any whipped cream?” I asked, distracted for a moment.

  He shook his head. “But I’ll get some if you want it.”

  “Well...” I didn’t have an opportunity to say more.
Once again I seemed to be suffering from an odd sort of time loss. As the word left my lips, he was looming over me, his eyes alight with a familiar albeit exciting glint; half a second later the door to the suite slammed shut, his discarded clothes having vanished somewhere along the way.

  “Bob? I didn’t mean right now...oh, hell. Honest to Pete, men! Sometimes they’re just...just...“

  “Treacherous? Vile? Whoremongering? No, I have it—murderous, evil bastards who deserve to spend eternity in pox-riddled, pustule-filled, eternal, endless torment!” a voice said from the window.

  I fell off the bed spinning around to look behind me.

  “Oh dear, did I startle you? I’m so sorry. I just thought I’d take the opportunity while that male is out of the way.” A woman, dressed in period Elizabethan garb complete with green and gold-patterned flat-fronted corset, long row of beads, and tiny neck ruff, strode forward and grabbed my hand, hauling me to my feet. “So sorry. Not hurt? Excellent. I’m Lily Summerton. I’m so very glad to see you! You have no idea how long I’ve waited for someone to help me.”

  “Lily...Summerton?” I asked, gazing with open-mouthed astonishment. “You’re...you’re...”

  “The fabled Green Lady of Fyfe Castle, yes,” she said, preening just a little as she patted her hair.

  “I see. Hello. I’m Joy Randall...er...Joy St. John. You’re...a ghost?”

  “Yes, of course! I couldn’t very well be the Green Lady if I wasn’t one, now could I?”

  “I suppose not.”

  “And you’re a Beloved.”

  “Well, kind of. Not really. That is, I am and I’m not,” I said hurriedly. “We don’t actually mention the whole Beloved thing very much.”

  “You don’t?”

  “My husband gets a little bit testy when he’s reminded that I was born to be the soul mate of someone else, especially when that someone is a vampire, although why he gets quite so upset is beyond me. Everything worked out wonderfully. I think it’s just a territorial male thing, to be honest,” I said, giving her a little smile.

  She pursed her lips for a moment, looked like she was going to ask a question, then shook her head. “Where is your Dark One? That male who was just here certainly isn’t he—everyone knows therians can’t be Dark Ones—and I desperately need the latter. Could you summon him, please?”

  “Er...” I glanced toward the door and wondered if I yelled loudly enough, if Raphael would hear me before he left the castle.

  “Oh, it won’t take long, I assure you,” she said with a kind pat of my hands. “A half an hour at most, I promise, and then you can get back to your man. Surely you can see your way clear to helping me?”

  “I’m not quite sure what it is you want me to do,” I said slowly, edging toward the door.

  “Oh, didn’t I mention that? My memory has been shocking the last few hundred years. It’s quite simple, really,” she said with a bright smile. “I’d like you to curse my husband to eternal torment. I won’t be able to rest until you do so.”

  Chapter Two

  “Sorry, sweetheart—no whipped cream. The gift shop was just closing up, but I did manage to get this before the girl left.” Raphael held up a jar of clotted cream. “I know it’s not the same, but perhaps you can imagine it’s whipped cream. Erm...why are you still dressed? Why aren’t you waiting for me naked and warm, in bed? And why are you wearing an expression of a woman who is annoyed, rather than one who is about to be pleasured from the top of her adorable head to the tips of her delectable toes?”

  “—very nice, although to give the bastard credit, Alec was ahead of time so far as having a privy indoors. He had one in his bedchamber which admittedly wasn’t terribly pleasant on warm summer days, but as I spent so little time in his room...oh. The male is back.” Lily emerged from the bathroom, where she had been admiring the plumbing. She turned a cold, hard face to Raphael, her eyes narrowing for a moment. “Have we met? No, that’s silly, we couldn’t have. Still, you look somewhat familiar...”

  “Who the hell is this?” he asked, waving the jar of clotted cream toward her. He checked, and added, “What the hell is this?”

  “I could swear...” She shook her head at herself. “My imagination has been running wild of late. My name is Lily Summerton. You may refer to me as Lady Summerton. This, I take it, is your husband?”

  “Lily Summerton?” Raphael repeated, suspicion rife in his voice. “A...a...”

  “A ghost, yes, I’m afraid she is.” I slid off the bed and twined my fingers through his.

  “Oh, hell, this is Christian’s doing, isn’t it?” he demanded.

  “Is Christian your Dark One?” Lily asked me, ignoring Raphael.

  “He’s not her Dark One. He’s got a perfectly good wife of his own! Who’s going to be a widow if he doesn’t keep his paws to himself—”

  “Bob, calm down. Christian didn’t set this up. It’s just coincidence that we found a castle that was really and truly haunted.”

  He turned to me, his eyes a bit wild looking. “You know how I feel about all this sort of thing.”

  “I know,” I said, squeezing his fingers again. “You don’t like vampires or ghosts or anything of that ilk. But it seems that Lily has a task that must be performed before she can rest, and she’s picked us to do it.”

  “No,” he said, his expression darkening. “This is our honeymoon. We’re not going to get involved with any more of your crackpot woo-woo friends.”

  “Crackpot!” Lily gasped.

  “Sweety, I don’t think we have much of a choice,” I said, pulling Raphael aside.

  He glared at Lily. She glared right back at him, her arms crossed over her chest.

  “We certainly do. We’ll ring up Allie and have her do whatever it is she does to ghosts to get rid of them. I’ll be damned if I let anyone ruin our honeymoon.”

  “She said she will haunt us if we don’t help,” I whispered, sending Lily what I hoped was a confident smile. “She said if we don’t take care of a little situation concerning her mortal life, she won’t give us a moment’s peace.”

  “We’ll leave, then,” Raphael said loudly, hitching up his glare a notch or two. “We’ll find somewhere else to stay.”

  “I’ll find you,” Lily answered unconcernedly as she examined her fingernails. “You can’t hide from me, you know. No matter where you go, I’ll find you. If you won’t give me the peace I desire, then so shall you have none.”

  “Why us?” Raphael roared, seeing, as I knew he would, the inevitability of the situation.

  “Your wife is a Beloved. She’s the first one to come to Fyfe Castle who had the ability to help me. Now, if you’re done wasting time, perhaps we can get underway?” She evidently saw the objection Raphael was about to make because she added quickly, “I have told your wife it will take only a half hour to do my bidding, after which I will happily leave you in peace.”

  Raphael grumbled a few things to himself, but both Lily and I thought it was best to ignore them.

  “We would be happy to help you, but I’m afraid a cursing is out of the question. Not only am I opposed to cursing someone I don’t know, but even if I wanted to, I wouldn’t know how to go about doing it,” I said.

  Lily’s gaze rested on Raphael for a moment. “A curse can only be cast by someone of dark origins. Most people use demons, but Dark Ones are an acceptable substitute, since they themselves are more or less cursed. Your man seems to get upset when I mention your Dark One. Why is that?”

  “It’s a long story, but basically, somewhere some wires were crossed because I was born a Beloved to a very nice man named Christian, but Raphael was the man I was meant to end up with.” I gave Raphael a kiss on the chin.

  His eyes flashed for a moment, before they narrowed again on Lily. “Not to mention the fact that Christian found a woman who wasn’t born his Beloved, but she turned out to fill that role, so Joy has nothing whatsoever to do with him.”

  “Well, how are you going to curse Al
ec if you don’t have a Dark One?” Lily asked, her hands fluttering in an agitated manner. “I must have reparation! I will never find my peace without it!”

  “I’m sorry, but a curse is out,” I said, feeling badly that we couldn’t help the distraught ghost.

  “So you might as well just run along and let us enjoy our honeymoon,” Raphael said with an absolute dearth of tact.

  “Bob!”

  “What?”

  I nodded toward Lily, who was now pacing back and forth, muttering to herself. “We have to help her.”

  “Says who?”

  “Says me! We were clearly meant to help her. She said herself that we were the only ones who could do it.”

  Raphael grumbled again.

  I put a hand on his sleeve and batted my lashes at him. “I couldn’t possibly relax enough to enjoy clotted cream knowing there was a ghost around whom it was in my power to help.”

  His lips thinned. “You don’t play fair, do you?”

  “Never have, sweety.”

  “Very well.” He heaved a heavy sigh and turned back to face Lily. “Right. The cursing aside, what is it you want us to do?”

  “He must be destroyed. That is the only way I can have rest,” Lily insisted as she continued to pace. “But how to do it, that is the problem. Oh!”

  “That sounds hopeful. You thought of something?” I asked.

  “I’m a lackwit,” she said, slapping her forehead. “I can’t believe I didn’t think of this first, but it’s better, so much better than just a cursing!”

  “Oh?” I asked, suddenly wary. “If it’s anything involving a demon—”

  “No, no, I’ve given up on the curse idea. I have a much better one! You will destroy the stone!”

  “The stone? What stone?” Raphael asked.

  She stopped pacing to face us, an earnest expression on her face. “There were three stones bound to Fyfe Castle: the castle stone, representing the castle itself. That was placed into the wall of the foundation itself, so it will not be destroyed unless the castle is razed. The second was the lady’s stone, which signified the lady of the castle. That stone Alec says was lost, but I’m not sure he didn’t destroy it himself—he certainly wasn’t above such an act to ensure that the women of Fyfe have naught but ill luck. The third stone, the laird’s stone, is in the Stone Room. That is what you must do.”